This post is for #worldmentalhealthday and my story of my difficulties summarised and I’d really appreciate this if you could read it 😊
These 4 photos in the post show 2 different points in my life.
The first 2 photos in this post were taken around the point where I was at my lowest and darkest point in my life…. I didn’t feel like me and most nights for a good few months I was crying and hurting myself and wasn’t sure what to do next and I was scared of the possibilities what could happen.
I found it so hard to talk to anyone about what was going on in my head and how I felt. I felt embarrassed, weak , pathetic and stupid for the way I felt and I honestly felt like a failure and got to the point where it felt like if I wasn’t here no one would of missed me.
I hated myself and everything about myself and I really struggled.
Things got darker and worse and I isolated myself from many people and some nights I didn’t even sleep. I had this re occurring dream: every night and unfortunately still have the dream now and it’s a really tough dream to get through . As things escalated and got a lot a lot worse , The anxiety and the thoughts feelings and emotions was at its worst and was like this for a while and at one time it got to the point where I ran away and wasn’t sure what to do with myself anymore and after this I was signed off work for a while and this was around this time was when CAMHS & the crisis team were heavily involved with me at this hard time.
3 - 5 appointments with me every week. This meant i wasn’t allowed to be as independent as I could of been because how high the risk was . People have to constantly be making sure I’m okay. It changed a lot of things in my life and affected my family and friends mentally seeing that I was mental health deteriorating. The panic and anxiety attacks were a regular thing
The last 2 photos show me in a much better place. I’m feeling happier and more confident and in myself now. I’m sleeping better. No longer crying every night and I’m no longer wanting to harm myself. I’m starting to feel like myself again. I’m nearly signed off from all the mental health services soon and will be cleared. I’m still on my journey and I’m still struggling. Im honest and open now that I struggled and Im a survivor still battling but one day I’ll be back even stronger.
I would say my anxiety levels now compared to a few months ago have dropped massively and honestly I haven’t had a panic attack in a while now.
I know I’m not stupid or weak for talking about my difficulties and neither is anyone else we all struggle and that is okay. And I’m proud of how far I’ve come and where I am now compared to 6 months
Thank you for reading
Love Spencer x